The Comparison Trap

You must have heard a lot of statements such as "Don't compare yourself to others",  "comparison is a thief of joy", or, "comparing is violence against your own self", but why are there so many statements out there? Do we compare ourselves to others that often?

We all do actually. We compare our lives, businesses, bodies, houses, careers, kids and families with others. And even though we hate how it feels, we do it anyway. And this is a comparison trap we are living in, that has become almost a second nature to us.

But how does this happen? How do we end up getting stuck into this trap? Let's talk about it;

Well, it happens each time you turn on the TV, scroll through a social media app, or visit a nearby coffee shop. With almost 7 billion people in the world, we have the opportunity to observe many other lives and see what makes them so different and beautiful. It is a great chance to see how their lives are unique.

But this passive watching and observing other lives, their beauty, career, success, and even talents start to flow into the inner workings of our brains. We see who they are, what they have and it all seems pretty. It is so pretty that we start desiring that for ourselves. We begin to believe that we don't have much, and if we gain what others have we will be happy.

But trust us, nothing good comes from this thought, it only makes your joy fade and your self-esteem deflated. 

Let's see the big picture here;

You had a good sleep and woke up all happy and energetic this morning, the only thing you want is a good cup of coffee to make your day better. You go to the coffee shop with that fresh mood, you are taking that sip of your delicious coffee and enjoying your morning then suddenly you see that fit person with a perfect body having your favorite dessert with the coffee. Would your mood be the same, would your black coffee without any sugar taste as good as before, probably not, the freshness and happiness you felt a moment ago would all be gone. Why?

Because of your inner critic- your self-thoughts, telling you that you have achieved nothing. Avoiding your favorite dessert, drinking that tasteless coffee, and you are still not as fit and healthy as the person in front of you.

This inner critic of yours must be fueling those thought distortions;

• Life is so unfair, I am working hard to get that body, and the person in front does nothing and still looks fit.

• I will never go to reach my goals.

• I should stop trying, and enjoy my favorite foods like that person, only that can make me happy.

Just remember that those thought distortions are lies. The person you are looking at is just the front cover of the book, you don't know what's inside. You see him enjoying that dessert, but do you know what he ate last night, or what is he going to eat the whole day? Probably he eats just a green salad at lunch or a healthy avocado sandwich at dinner to manage his calories.

Maybe that person does not eat desserts at all, and it is just a special occasion today.  It means you are just making big assumptions based on little impressions. The glimpse of a person you see does not tell you their whole story. 

So, the only person that you should compare yourself to, is your past self so that you can know how much better you are today from yesterday. 

So, instead of focusing on another's dessert you should enjoy the healthy meal you have ordered for yourself. And appreciate yourself for the progress you have made so far.

Social Media & Comparison Trap

In a world dominated by social media and digital technology, everyone can look happier, thinner, healthier and younger. It is very easy to get stuck into the vortex of comparison when you open your social media platforms. Scrolling down through your feeds and looking at all those perfect images, may make you think that you are not as smart, beautiful, and successful as someone else.

But trust us that's just bold-faced-lie. All those picture-perfect posts that are coming onto your feeds are far from reality. And before comparing yourself to those fit and healthy people you are seeing on your screen right now, just think, do you know their whole story? Do you know the facts behind their cameras?

Maybe the person who is having all the healthy meals and doing proper workouts, won't be such a perfect person in reality. Maybe it is all of these morning jogs and healthy meals that are meticulously planned and staged just to seek your attention. Because in reality, we all are vulnerable and imperfect in some ways.

So, how can you get free from this social media perfectionism?

Don't Judge A Book By Cover: 

Before looking at those social media platforms and judging ourselves, it is very important to remind yourself that those platforms just highlight the selective parts of people's lives, not unvarnished documentaries. Each photo or post you see is selected to show the best and most happy moments. 

Consider that insta-worthy post of a tropical paradise. What you are seeing is the perfect shot taken by a perfect photographer. What you are not seeing is the hours of waiting done to capture that, the argument just before it was taken and the sunburn that followed.

The truth is, even those who seem to live a charmed and amazing life on social media have their own struggles and moments of doubt.

Look At the Positive Side:

Where social media has become a platform of social comparison, it can also help you find some support and help from those, who are struggling with the same slump as yours. All you have to do is to stop looking at the charm and glitters for a moment and take a look at those who are sharing their real struggles, telling their journeys, and ready to listen to yours. There are various support groups present on different platforms which can motivate you, and help you in your journey.

Final Words

In the end, it is all about embracing your journey, and realizing that you are not alone in your ups and downs. Social media can be a powerful tool for motivation and accountability, but only when you know that what you see online is just a curated snapshot- far from reality. So, be kind to yourself, instead of looking at others, focus on your progress, and remember that perfectionism is just a myth.